A Blonde's Dream


One day a blonde kept having the same weird dream everyday, so she went to her doctor.

Doctor: What was your dream about?
Blonde: I was being chase by a vampire!

Doctor: (giggles quitely) So... what is the scenery like?
Blonde: I was running in a hall way.

Doctor: Then what happened?

Blonde: Well that's the weird thing. In every single dream, the same thing happened. I always come to this door, but I can't open it. I keep pushing the door and pushing the door, but it wouldn't budge!

Doctor: Does the door have any letters on it?
Blonde: Yes it did.

Doctor: And what did these letter spell?
Blonde: It said "Pull"


A bunch of blonde jokes...woo-hoo!



What do you call an eternity?
Four blondes in four cars at a four way stop.

Why do blondes have TGIF written on their shoes?
Toes Go In First

Three blondes were driving to Disneyland. After being in the car for four hours, they saw a sign that said "Disneyland left." So they turned around and went home.

What do smart blondes and UFOs have in common?
You always hear about them but never see them.

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
Oh,look, Daddy....doughnut seeds!

Why did the blonde stare at the can of frozen orange juice?
Because it said concentrate.

Why do blondes always smile during lightning storms?
They think their picture is being taken.

How can you tell when a blonde sends you a fax?
It has a stamp on it.

Why can't blondes dial 911?
They can't find the 11 on the phone.

What do you do if a blonde throws a pin at you?
Run, she's got a grenade in her mouth!

How can you tell if a blonde's been using your computer?
There is white-out all over the monitor.

Why shouldn't blondes have coffee breaks?
It takes too long to retrain them.

A blonde and a brunnette were walking outside when the brunnette said,"Oh, look at the dead bird." The blonde looked skyward and said, "Where? Where?"

How do you drown a blonde?
Put a scratch and sniff sticker on the bottom of a pool.

Why does it take longer to build a blonde snowman than a regular one?
You have to hollow out the head.

How do you get a twinkle in a blonde's eye?
Shine a flashlight in her ear.

Hear about the blonde who got an AM radio?
Took her a month to figure out she could play it at night.

What happened to the blonde Ice Hockey team?
They drowned during spring training.

What did the blonde say when she saw the sign in front of the YMCA?
"Duh! Look! They spelled Macy's wrong!"

How do you make a blonde laugh on Saturday?
Tell her a joke on Tuesday.

Why are blonde's boobs always square?
Because they forget to take the kleenex out of the box

A corny blonde joke


Okay, so this blonde is driving by in his red sports car, and he sees another blonde rowing with oars in a cornfield.

Well, he is just absolutely furious and he gets out of the car and yells to the blonde in the cornfield: "Hey, if I knew how to swim, I'd go right out there and give you a piece of my mind!"


Q: What did the blonde say when the docter told her one leg was bigger than the other?

A: Like, Not even


Q: How did a Blonde try to kill a bird ??
A: She through it out of the window !!

Accidents


Q: What did the blonde do when she heard that 90% of accidents occur around the home?

A: She moved.


Airline


A blonde buys a plane ticket to Miami. (It's a coach Ticket). When she gets on the plane she sits in first class.

The steward who checks tickets says, "I'm so sorry, this is a coach ticket and your sitting in 1st class."

"I can do What-eva I want, I'm a blonde."
Well I'll get the pilot.

The pilot comes and whispers in the blondes ear and she leaves.
The steward looks amazed and says," What did you say?"

The pilot simply says," I told her 1st class wasn't going to Miami, just coach was!!!"



Alligator and a Bet


A guy walks into a bar with a pet alligator by his side. He puts the alligator up on the bar and turns to the astonished patrons.

"I'll make you a deal. I'll open this alligator's mouth and place my genitals inside. Then the gator will close his mouth for one minute. He'll then open his mouth and I'll remove my unit unscathed. In return for witnessing this spectacle, each of you will buy me a drink."

The crowd murmured their approval.

The man stood up on the bar, dropped his trousers, and placed his privates in the alligator's open mouth. The gator closed his mouth as the crowd gasped.

After a minute, the man grabbed a beer bottle and rapped the alligator hard on the top of its head.

The gator opened his mouth and the man removed his genitals unscathed as promised.

The crowd cheered and the first of his free drinks was delivered.

The man stood up again and made another offer. "I'll pay anyone $100 who's willing to give it a try".

A hush fell over the crowd. After a while, a hand went up in the back of the bar.

A BLONDE woman timidly spoke up. "I'll try, but you have to promise not to hit me on the head with the beer bottle."


Alzheimers


Q: What happens when a blonde gets Alzheimers disease?

A: Her IQ goes up!



Andy is God's son


A blonde dies and goes to the pearly gates of heaven to meet Saint Peter...

He first tells her that the only way she can get through the gate is to pass a quite simple test.

"What is The Son Of Gods name?" He asked.

She thought for a minute rubbing her chin in deep thought.
"Andy!" She bursted out with a gleaming smile.

"No, I'mm sorry that is incorrect, what made you say that?" He asked.

She starts singing... "Andy walks with me, andy talks with me, andy tells me..."

Another test


There was a blonde driving a ferrari. A cop pulls her over for speeding, the cop asks," can I see your license and registration please!"

The blonde responds, "license and registration what is that?"

The cop respnds," you will find your license in your purse and registration in your glove compartment."

The cop gets the license and registration and goes back to the car, and he calls dispatcher and reports it. The dispatcher replies," this wouldnt be a blonde in a ferrari would it?"
The cop replies," yes it is."
The dispatcher says, "go back to her car and drop your pants."

The cop responds back,"I cant do that!"
The dispatcher says, "trust me, just do it!" then the cop replies,"ok whatever you say!"

So he walks back to her car, and drops his pants.
The blonde turns around and says, "oh no, not another breathalizer test!"



At College


Q: What do you call a blonde in an institution of higher learning?

A: A visitor.









but whether it be dream or truth, to do well is what matters. If it be truth, for truth's sake. If not, then to gain friends for the time when we awaken.
Pedro Calderon de la Barca


Love is the magician that pulls man out of his own hat.
Ben Hecht