hey alex, r u going away 4 shabbat? tell me now! and if u r tell rachel + goldy hi and see wat goldy's bunk is c ya!

luv,
E

Bad hostage negotiator
Things Not To Do At A Hostage Negotiation

As Hostage Taker:


Demand to speak only with FBI agents Fox Mulder and Dana Scully.


Have one of the hostages hold your gun while you make a quick trip to the bathroom.


Let one hostage go to the bathroom. When he doesn't return, send the others to see what's taking him so long.


Agree to let the hostages go, after doing so, make you demands.


Rig the building to explode if someone tries to go through the door, then remember that you forgot to lock your car and leave the room.


Confuse the detonator for your explosive booby-traps with your garage door opener.


Tell the negotiator that you'd rather choke on tear gas than let the hostages go.


Allow one of the hostages to win possession of your gun because of a paper-rock scissors tournament.


Forget your gun at home.


Run away bawling like a baby when one of your hostages calls you a "meanie".


Ask the negotiator to tell your fiancee that this is all a joke and would she marry you.


As Negotiator:


Ask the hostage taker if he/she would like to go to dinner after the stand-off.


When hearing the demands suddenly yell into the phone, "It all you you you! What about my needs?!"


When you call the hostage taker, tell him you'd like a large thick crust pepperoni and snicker loudly.


Show up stoned and do anything at all.


When the hostage taker lists his demands yell into the phone "La la la la! I can't hear you!"


Mention how much income tax the hostage taker will have to pay if he/she gets the F-15 he/she wants.


Tell the hostage take that you think Rosanne Barr should play him in the TV movie of the stand-off.


Tell the hostage taker you think it'd be really cool if a hostage came flying out of a 52nd story window.


Tell the hostage taker that he must convert to hindu if he wants you to deal with him.


When the hostage taker agrees to let the hostages go tell him, "You're never gonna be on COPS with a wimp attitude like that."

Things dad won't say
Things You'll Never Hear A Dad Say


Well, how 'bout that?...I'm lost! Looks like we'll have to stop and ask for directions.


You know Pumpkin, now that you're thirteen, you'll be ready for unchaperoned car dates. Won't that be fun?


Here's a credit card and the keys to my new car-GO CRAZY.


What do you mean you wanna play football? Figure skating not good enough for you, son?


Your mother and I are going away for the weekend...you might want to consider throwing a party.




Well, I don't know what's wrong with your car. Probably one of those doo-hickey thingies-you know-that makes it run or something. Just have it towed to a mechanic and pay whatever he asks.


No son of mine is going to live under this roof without an earring now quit your belly-aching, and let's go to the mall.


Whaddya wanna go and get a job for? I make plenty of money for you to spend.


Father's Day? Aaahh-don't worry about that-it's no big deal.